I'm NOT crazy!! I just want to feel better!

Six weeks ago, I was inspired by a coworker to start consuming more of the things my body needs, and NONE of the stuff it doesn't. For me, this meant cutting out all meat, dairy and processed foods from my diet. It also meant ADDING more natural foods, supplements, increased exercise and probiotics to infuse my body with everything it naturally lacks. My motive from the very beginning was not weight loss, or to be trendy, but just to FEEL BETTER everyday of my life!! By the end of every workday, every part of me was physically, emotionally, and mentally EXHAUSTED. The end of every workday is also the most influential, prime "mommy time" when my kids and my husband need my attention the MOST!!! Before I changed my diet, I would come home from work with barely enough energy to throw myself on my bed to just go to sleep. I started feeling like the crappiest mom in the world, not being able to give my boys the time, energy, and active love they desperately wanted from me when they come home from school. I knew I had to make something CHANGE, and finally had the inspiration and desire to DO IT! I thought it was going to be sooooo hard to cut out meat and dairy, and at the beginning, it was! But as I learn about my body and which foods/supplements make me feel good, it is becoming almost easy. I'm finally finding out which foods fill me up, without messing with my digestion. And I have a decreased desire to consume anything that might make me feel the way I used to! Naturally, weight loss and increased energy have been an encouraging by-product of these adjustments. In after only 6 weeks, I'm coming home EXCITED to hear about my kids' school day, help them with their homework, and dig into their backpacks to see all the progress they're making everyday!! They blow my MIND!!! Not really sure of my intent of writing this stuff out. Might just be for my own internal processing purposes, but I also feel the need to encourage my friends (whom I LOVE so much), in similar seasons of life, to learn, with me, about what our bodies need! Our battles with depression, or constant feeling of being tired or sad or angry or anxious, might NOT be our actual REALITY. There's a HUGE possibility (and HOPE) that our bodies are just lacking better nutrition! If that is truly the case, then the adjustments are SOOOO worth making!!

PS. Wine and a good beer with my girlfriends...still a very crucial part of my diet. :-)

Life and Times...

After 7 years of marriage (so far) and two kiddos (far enough), I can honestly say that there's not one 'season' of life that I have favored over another. Every 'season', every month, every week, and every DAY is INSANE from the view of this Faiai momma! I do take in to consideration the fact that I'm kinda high strung, and overly anxious to begin with, but whatev. Working on it. Instead of boring anyone with details of the past 6months (or however long its been since my last post),I thought it would be a good idea, even just for me, just to assess and give an update on the things I value most in mi vida loca. Here goes.

1. My Marriage
Rewarding. dynamic. Hard. We're about 5 months in to our '7 year itch'. Is that what 'they' call it?! Heck yes, marriage is hard. But for whatever reason, through everything we've been through, we have a tighter grip on eachother now than ever before. Not just saying that. Steve and I need eachother. We're each other's BIGGEST fans and our kids, just by their nature, hold us accountable DAILY to love and respect eachother as best we can. Our kids love us more than anything else on the planet, and we know that the BEST way we can reciprocate that love to them is by loving eachother!

2. The Kids
Cameron is 6 and Riley James is 4. Completely opposite personalities. The other day, I was listening to my Lauryn Hill Pandora station. The song 'Lost One' came on. It's really about Lauryn tellin her ex homeboy that she's outie. 'You just lost one' . Cameron was listening to the words and asked me what she 'lost'. Instead of explaining the song to him (bc I was busy singing it. Hello?!), I just told him I thought she was probably talking about losing a friend or something. A few more minutes went by, the song was over, and Cameron said to me 'mom, I know about that song'. I asked him what he meant. To which he replied 'Well, I just lost a friend at school today.' I knew he was just tired and being over dramatic, but his heart hurt bad for those few moments thinking about losing a friend. That's Cameron. And Riley...well...let's just say he tells us that he's actually 7 years old and that he's the boss of his brother. He also thinks he's the boss of his mommy and daddy. And well...pretty much the boss of the world. Aggressive, tender hearted, happy, and very determined. That's my Riley. Due for his second cranial-vault repair surgery later this year. Will update on that later!

3. Friendships
Oh man. If you know me, you know I LOVE people, and especially my close friends. I love them almost to a fault. Actually, completely to a fault. But oh well...working on that, too. I have made some INCREDIBLE friends in the past year. I have a passion for digging through life with others who are doing the same! My friends inspire me. They motivate me. And most importantly, they keep me laughing, even in the times when life seems unbearable.

4. Church Ministry
I stilllll believe that the local church IS the hope of the world. We've been exposed to so many different visions, mission statements, denominations, and theology interpretations (if that makes sense) over the past couple years. Thankfully, through it all, God has kept things simple for us. We believe that the more we seek God, the more we'll know Him. And the more we know Him, the more we'll love Him. And the more we love Him, the more we'll love what He loves. Love God, eachother, and the people around us! Everything else seems to follow! The church is full of broken people, like us, who's insecurities have tendency to, well...screw up a lot of stuff that God has intended for good. We've learned about people, and God's grace through every 'church experience' we've been a part of... and we still love serving our local church. Steve still feels a calling on his life to lead people into worship through music. Thankfully, he can serve in that role on the side, voluntarily now, instead of depending on it as a source of income! Hallelujah for that! He LOVES his job at Henry's and I love his job at Henry's. Right now, we're loving watching our long time friend's new church plant grow wings! God is blessing them, and we wanna help out and support it as much we can!

5. Me
I'm learning a LOT about myself in recent months. I really have an uneasy feeling towards 'Christians' who think they've got life figured out. The ones who go around telling others what God doesn't accept about them. On the other hand, I am passionate about digging through life with people who admittedly need God, or who are trying to understand who God is. I have huge respect for people who can own up to their own ugliness, while at the same time understand that God loves them/us (on a crazy different level than we can wrap our brains around) THROUGH IT ALL!!! Jesus died to give us HOPE! And I want nothing more than for my life to bleed that 'hope'! I'm working full time at our friends Submarina franchise. I love that job! So much fun for me, flexible for the most part, a little too far of a drive, but oh well! I'm thankful for the relationships I've built there! One of my new favorite things is playing softball on our new co-ed league. Our team name is Smack That! My teammates consist of a rad group of new friends, and old ones! The dynamic of those relatiosnhips is SO awesome!! I love that team, and playing a sport that I love with them! My relationship with my extended family is in a sweet spot! I love my parents so much, and am so thankful for everything they did to make me passionate about life and people. I have so much junk I need to work on, but I'm truly loving my hectic little life through it all. Every piece of it!

I could probably write 4 more pages about all this stuff right now, but this is about as much patience I have with having to write a post using the keyboard of my iPhone! Mac Book is out of commision and the pc just got a virus. Boooo!
My poor sweet neglected little blog. I sure do miss it!

ADDICTED!!!!

In recent weeks I've been, for lack of better terms, alarmed at some of my impulsive behavior. Ha! That sounds awesome!! I'm pretty sure there are things all of us are 'addicted' to, whether we admit to it or not, but when I see YUCK in MY life, I get pretty passionate about fixing it or at least, I like to study the patterns!!

Ugh!! WHY??! Why are there so many things I get caught up in?? To try to make life more important? To feel better about myself? To mask insecurity?! Everytime I think about the things I pour way too much of myself into, I can't get a certain thought out of my head!!

'Is God big enough?!' Heck yeah, He is... Would be my gut reaction. But my behavior often demonstrates otherwise! Do I reeeeeallly believe that GOD, my Creator, the same creator of the universe, is big enough to handle ME?!!! All my junk, baggage, hangups etc..? If I did truly believe that, I have a feeling my life would look a little bit different. Or... A LOT different! I'm not talking about being addicted to anything immoral or that would put me in physical danger. I'm talking about the little, itty bitty tiny things that go totally unnoticed until I realize my attitude towards life changing as a direct result. Social networking has definitely become a weakness of mine! I LOVE writing and talking to people and making friends and reconnecting with old ones, but.. holy COW! Where and how do I draw a stinkin LINE?!!! Probably when everyone else's life happenings start effecting my mood for the day?!?! When 'Johnny' updates his status and tells us his dog got hit by a car today, my kids better be on their best behavior, because their mom is probably gonna be an emotional wreck for most of the day! That's LAAAAAAME! A lame example too, but just making my point!! Sooo not fair to anyone around me! YUCK!

I have lots of friends who have taken 'breaks' or whatever from social networking. I don't think I need to get all crazy and do anything like that, but I do need to be more aware of these behaviors, so that I can see them coming BEFORE my life becomes consumed and effected by them!

I KNOW God is big enough to make ANY change He wants to in my life! I want to seek Him, know Him and LOVE Him enough to not want ANYTHING else beside the things He wants for me! Hmmm... I gotta figure that out!

I just reposted a dorky awesome song I wrote about a year ago, called 'twitter fast'. It just about sums up all of this nonsense!!

Ready...GO!

I LOVE MARCH! Between Steve's bday, March madness basketball (that makes him happy), the warmer temps, fun busy workdays, and just getting ready for summer, this month is awesome! We've been in a very transitional season of life for almost two years now. Feeling pretty aimless at times, but we've been mostly encouraged by the chance we've had to dive in to so much new opportunity.

We know that ultimately God is the one who guides every twist and turn of our lives. We also know that the season of life we're in is a result of a bunch of different choices we've made over the years. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between the two. I often ask myself things like "Is THIS circumstance one that God intended or one that is a result of a specific choice I made?" I'm sure people could argue both ways, and I believe that it's probably a combination of both, and could probably be swayed either way in a debate! What I've realized in recent weeks though, is... that debate is completely irrelevant to what God wants us to focus on right now. Every added up circumstance has put us in a new, raw, real and pivotal place. When I used to play softball, out in the field, we were always told to be on our toes in a ready stance to be able to easily move our body either way toward whichever direction the ball was hit. If we were flat on our feet, it was almost impossible to retreive the ball quick enough to make a play. I don't think I need to elaborate any more on the dorky illustration, but it's soooo true for me right now! I feel so ready, on my toes, primed and ready to receive WHATEVER direction God wants us to move in. Without everything that we've been through in the past couple of years, we'd be flat on our feet and going through the motions, and we'd most likely hate the thought of having to change anything. We are soooo excited about every glimpse of opportunity that God has given us! And I truly feel like we're in such a pivotal, ready stance, that we CAN make any move or change quickly and swiftly. I think this realization is, for a fact, God's intention of why we are where we are! I've never been more anxious and ready to see what he has in store. I know there are always going to be things that I'm naturally going to squirm and whine at having to change, but for what it's worth, I'm ready. And I'm thankful, so thankful to be where I am...ready for anything!

Crazy Little Thaang Called 'LOVE'.

I LOVE people. No question. But I often consider that one of my BIGGEST faults. After reading a lot about love this week, I'm realizing why it's such a flaw of mine. I've got 'LOVE' all twisted. backwards. misinterpreted.

I have no problem investing, trusting, and pouring my heart into the people I care about. But the problem with that has to do with my initial motive which provokes that kind of 'love'. A lot of the time (most of the time) after pouring into someone, I'm left empty, totally insecure and feeling like the love I give isn't being reciprocated.
*LIGHT BULB ON!!*
Talk about 'looking for love in all the wrong places'!! This is where my view of who God is needs to change! Like NOW! If I understood the DEPTH of love the Father has for me, I wouldn't feel the need to squeeze it out of the people around me! And if I grasped that, then the love that I GIVE would be natural, flowing, a fruit of the Spirit, bearing NO hidden agenda or expectations! And I wouldn't feel empty after expending it.

I won't stop loving and investing in people. But I will start implementing more disciplined time acknowledging God's love for me. Seems like the root of every insecurity goes back to just some minor hiccups in my view of who God is. Putting this thinking process into action has already infused so much hope, peace, and freedom in this CRAZAY LOVER WOMANNNN!!!

New perspective!!! Love it when that happens!

Still Keepin' It Real.

It's been waaaay too long since I've updated 'The Other Cause'. I don't even want to look at the date of my last post, because it depresses me to think how long I've neglected this once vibrant, full of life, blog. There are many technical reasons as to why I've taken such a lonnng break. There are also just as many personal reasons I haven't been here. More of an 'at loss for words' deal than by choice.

If I were to say these past few months have been a roller coaster ride, I'd be lying. Life's been more of a friggin skydive...and scrambling in mid air to remember where the cord is to release the stupid parachute.

I'd like to think I have a pretty positive outlook on life. And in the darkest of nights, I've managed to keep fighting my way through looming depression, guilt, dispair and hopelessness. I wish I could start a new paragraph now and talk about how all of that's changed! Ha! I can't.

So many things still need to fall in to place. I could list them, but I won't in attempts to save this post from becoming the pity party rant...that it's quickly turned into!

"WHERE HAVE YOU FIXED YOUR HOPE?" was a simple, yet heart checking question I was faced with this weekend during a message at Journey. I kinda did a double take when I heard it asked, because for some reason those words shot straight through to my soul. Totally caught off guard and I knew God wanted me to answer that question. Ouch. All I could think about were millions of things I wanted. A car, a job, a house, nice clothes, cable, internet, endless amounts of cash!!! ...And other not so tangible things. Security, peace, comfort, contentment. I've spent countless, sleepless nights staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how to put all the pieces together so that I could obtain all of these 'things', in attempts to finally be happy, safe, secure, and content. For whatever reason, those attempts have been unsuccessful and have put me inside a big tunnel of anxiety. Where have I fixed my hope?!

If I truly believed what I claim to believe about who God is, my concern and values would revolve around the things that please Him and bring Him glory, NOT vice-versa. By placing my hope in the 'stuff' I want for ME, I'm doing nothing more than locking myself up in a dungeon and becoming a slave to societies standards.

God's will for me is SO much bigger than the things I want. I wish I could wrap my brain around the fact that I'll NEVER be able to wrap my brain around how God works, and how giving total control to Him, means FREEDOM for me! This realization takes away fear, and reminds me how truly 'well off' I already am. We're surrounded by a great community of friends and family who love us so much. We have two beautiful boys and the opportunity to shape them into lives that could possibly change the world! We have a great marriage, that has been tested and made its way through fire! And we have our whole lives ahead of us to make an impact in countless other lives...to name a few!

I have such a long way to go, but I'm eager to start intentionally FIXING MY HOPE on Christ. And anticipating ohhh the sweet ways He CHANGES the desires of my heart!

The Vine and a Butt Kicking.

In an attempt to make sense of a bunch of scattered thoughts and run on sentences, I decided to give my poor, neglected blog a little lovin' today!

This weekend in a message given by Wilson Creek Winery owner, Mick Wilson, our congregation was given literal illustration of what it means to live a life connected to The Vine. In reference to John chapter 15, we were challenged to take a close look at our own lives in search of the evidence, or the fruit, of a life connected to Christ. I metaphorically had the wind knocked out of me when I realized today, in how many ways, Christ has not been the only source that I've been drawing life from.

GUT CHECK #1:
* Where is the fruit?! Lately, so much of my life is spent just coping, and not enough spent on learning what it means to abide in Christ and making sure I'm always bearing fruit!

* If I'm spending time drawing life from other sources, what are they? And why are they so important to me?


Mick snapped off two branches of the vine he brought from Temecula to help illustrate his message. One of the branches was brown, dry and dead. The other was green, lush with beautiful leaves. He explained that although the appearance of the one on his right looked vibrant and full of life, it was in fact, dead because it was snipped from it source. It would eventually wither and become dry and brown like the branch he held in his left hand.

GUT CHECK #2:
* How much of my happiness, and joy is just a facade?! How much time do I have left to turn things around before my soul is withered and dry?!?!

GUT CHECK #3:
The biggest challenge for me this weekend has been to identify the "sucker branches" or false sources that I've been sucking life from.

There are certain people, I believe, God places in my life to strengthen me, give me hope, and just motivate me to love life. Although they are so important to me, they are NOT meant to be my source, and I HAVE ashamedly taken advantage of them by placing them in a role that God was meant for and wants to fill. It seems like somehow I've tricked myself into believing these people in my life are more tangible and accessible than the God who created me. Ouch! When did THAT happen?! Not only do I now need to reconnect to the True Vine, but I also owe a serious apology to my friends, and my husband especially, for expecting them to fill that crazy complex hole in my heart.

After taking a pretty big beating in the form of a reality check today, I am so encouraged to know reconnecting to The Vine is as simple as asking God to connect to me, and to remain in His word, seeking His truth. And even more encouraged to know that God cares enough about me to continue my pruning and essentially refocus my eyes on Him.

Ugh. I don't deserve that. I have so much work to do. God, you're grace and patience is crazy rad.

John 15:1-10
“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love."

Videos of the boys!

My friends and family who don't have Facebook have been asking to see video of the boys! So I decided to post a couple of my favorites from Cameron here on The Other Cause!! I'll post a few of Riley in the next couple of days!

Enjoy!!

Stick with what you know!

My hubby is a "stick with what you know" kind of guy! I'm probably a little more adventurous and daring than he is when it comes to things like ordering food... but what I do admire is his ability to not be phased by the flashy, bright colored new menu items, and order the same ol' thing!!

Right now, we're living with Steve's sister and her family until we can get back on our feet here. We are SOOO humbled by their generosity, and thankful to be able to spend so much time with the people who love our family most!

Recently, after the kiddo's go to bed, Steve and I have started having a time where we lock ourselves in the garage for a few hours and just talk, reflect, encourage, and seek God together about what He wants for us! These times have pretty much turned into intimate times of...WORSHIP (what were YOU thinking, sicko?). I decided that I wanted to start taping some of our favorite songs to sing together. There are many!

In this time of our lives when we're figuring out just what God wants to do with us, we've found that one of the things that makes the waiting, questioning, and wondering a little easier is "sticking with what we know"! For now...that's worshiping Him!

This is a song that a friend in North Carolina introduced me to, called "The More I Seek You" by Kari Jobe.



The more I seek you,
the more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat.
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

Spiritual Nuggets of Nothingness.

Been at a loss for words lately, and THAT has actually been a good thing. In the past, I've been pretty good at putting a rhyme or reason to everything God does in my life. And for maybe the first time, in this season, I have nothing. I have no explanation as to why God would call us to leave a good job in San Diego, have us uproot our family to serve at an awesome church plant across the country, only to have us come back to San Diego 9 months later...in a time when finding a job is close to impossible, and when the stakes are so high with 2 growing boys watching and learning from our every move. It just doesn't make much sense to me.

I'm so glad to be home with our family and such awesome friends who love us so much. That alone has pulled us through all the trouble it's been to get settled here again.

I've NEVER been one to ask God "Why?". It just seems like a shallow question to ask an All Knowing God. But a little bit, like even a smidge, of clarity would be nice.

So...I've asked. And, still, nothing.

So, I've kind of just decided to STOP trying to make sense of it all and just do it. Go through it. We're clinging to God's word and the fact that it's true. We're making sure our sweet boys know that we love them more than anything in the whole world. We're hunting for jobs like crazy, and aren't being picky about any line of work. In the midst of cruddy times, we won't compromise our character, core values. We're attending the church we love, as it has a huge piece of our heart. We're not avoiding awkward conversations about "what's going on with the Faiai's". We're not broadcasting our story to the world either. We appreciate the prayers that our friends and family pray on our behalf. We're eagerly looking forward to some crazy breakthroughs in the next few weeks.

So, I'm pretty much at the end of today's post, and haven't made much sense of anything. Maybe that's because I'm not supposed to right now. I remember Ed (our teaching pastor) once say something about "if God isn't giving you words to say on His behalf, then He probably doesn't want you to say anything." So instead of ending this post by sharing one of my GIGANTIC spiritual nuggets of wisdom, I'll instead just keep being at a loss for words for a while longer.

Merry Christmas!

So much to post! Not nearly enough time to post it! Update coming soon. Until then, Merry Christmas from the Faiai boys! Thanks to all of our friends and family for your continued love, support and friendship!

2008 Election Predictions

Who will it be?!

A Halloween Reunion!

The boys and I have been hangin' low at my parents house trying to adjust to the time change, and maintain a somewhat regular routine for the boys. They have never been trick or treating before, so we were excited to be able to roam the neighborhood in search of candy with some close friends and their families! We had a great time, and the sappy cornball that I am couldn't help but get a bit emotional just seeing my kids so happy to be around the people who love them so much!

Here are a few pictures from the evening!


Playing the piano before getting into costume!


My wrestler boy and firefighter!



My babies!!






His best attempt at a mean face!



Lot's of candy for Cameron Lee!


Lot's of candy for Riley James!


Fell asleep on the bed talking to grandma about his day.

Back in Cali.

With soooo much to do, and too little time to post, here's a few snippets of what we're up to...of course combined with the random musings of my brain!

After a couple months of anticipation, and 1 LONG flight adventure, me and the boys are finally home in San Diego. What a ride. They were GREAT on the plane, thanks to awesome goodies and toys from friends before we left.

Thanks to friends in Raleigh - Our awesome friends, Christian, Kelly and their families, put together an INCREDIBLE surprise going away party for us. When we walked into a house full of all of our favorite people, I was just humbled at the way God blessed us with such great community while we were in Raleigh. So AWESOME!

The boys are doing great. They're missing their daddy, but other than that, they are so so so glad to be in San Diego with grandma and grandpa. Riley is still trying to figure out the time change and what exactly we're doing here. Once Steve gets here, I think things might feel a little more normal for him! We'll see!

I am so glad to be back in SD. I don't feel like I'm the same person as I was 9 months ago. My heart has be tweaked, my desires have changed and while I'm overwhelmed, I'm excited to sort of establish our semi new life here!

We have so much to do, but until Steve gets here next week, we're going to just enjoy spending time with family. We're heading out to our cabins in the desert this weekend!

Thanks to everyone who prayed for our trip. Please keep praying for Steve and Jerry's drive back. They leave Raleigh on Sunday morning and will get here hopefully by Wednesday afternoon!

Boys and Puppies!

My friend, Christian has two beautiful beagles, Sarge and Mackey. Mackey had 7 puppies about 2 weeks ago! My boys LOVE dogs! Especially little ones! So we took a little trip out to Holly Springs to meet the new puppies!!

I've NEVER seen Riley more animated in his whole life!! He was instantly in love, and couldn't stop looking, holding and loving on each sweet little baby!

Here's a few short video clips of our visit!

Cameron Says...

I'm very behind on this post series. But Cameron has been "at his best" with the crazy little thoughts that run through his brain, so, to catch us up, here are two conversations I had with Cameron this past week.

Cameron Conversation #1
I was snuggling with Cameron in his room when he said "Mom, I'm going to miss going to your soccer games (he means softball) and playing with the kids there."

Me: "I know, bud. I'm glad you met so many nice people and kids there."

Cameron: "I like playing with Kenzie the best."

Me: "Oh, so is Kenzie your girlfriend?"

Cameron: "EW Mom, no. Not girlfriend. She's just my friend. I don't like girlfriends, mom."

Me: "Oh, you don't?"

Cameron: "No. Well... I mean, I like their dresses and their beautiful hair, but I don't like girlfriends."

Me: "Oh ok. I know what you mean. Goodnight Cameron."


Cameron Conversation #2
Cameron was very angry that Steve and I ate the last 2 banana crumb muffins that I made yesterday (even though he'd just finished eating one).

Cameron: "I CAN'T BELIEVE you guys ate ALL of the muffins, mom and dad. I guess I will NEVER have a muffin again.

Me: "Cameron, chill out."

Steve: "Cameron, Daddy will go get more bananas and mommy will make more."

Me (to Steve): "What are you talking about? I'm not going to make him a brand new batch of muffins just because he's throwing a fit!"

Cameron runs off angrily into our bedroom. After about 5 seconds, he comes back out to yell "MOM! Your muffins are NOT the best muffins in the world."

Me: "Oh good. Then I'll never make them again!"
Cameron is now standing in front of us at the kitchen table.

Cameron: "Fine. Then I'm leaving."

Me: "Where are you going?!"

Cameron: "On a hot air balloon, away from here."

Me: "There are no hot air balloons here, Cameron."

Cameron: "I know, but there are some in a far away land."

Me: "How are you getting to the far away land?"

Cameron: "On a jet plane."

Me: "Ok...see ya!"

Cameron (at the top of his lungs): "AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE BACK AGAIN!"
then he quickly marched back into the room and closed the door.



Poor boy has a rough life.

THIS...

Is stirring my SOUL!


Mandy Miller of Buckhead Church in Atlanta, GA performing "How He Loves".
Song originally written by John Mark Mcmillan

In Process...

In recent weeks, actually months, I've been evaluating my relationships. Relationships with old friends, new ones, with family and people I don't even know very well!

I'm realizing that life is just one big process. Whether we believe in God or not, God is ultimately using every moment of our lives to shape us into His image. Although this seems like a "yeah, so?!" kind of concept, it's really clicked with me. Almost like I've been given new eyes into the lives of the people around me!

Here's a little glimpse of my thought process in recent weeks:

If God uses every moment of our lives to shape us into His image, then...

- Who am I to judge where someone is in their spiritual journey?!
My past circumstances have formed me into who I am. Because of them, grace is so real to me! I could name off a list of people who (in my eyes) are making bad decisions in their lives. But...who am I to assume God isn't using their EVERY circumstance to one day reveal Himself to them the way he did for me years ago!! And who's to say they won't appreciate God's grace even 10 times more than I do now, as a direct result of their circumstances NOW!

- I need to love people in a REAL way... NOW!
People HATE fronts. People know when they are being tolerated, and when they're actually being loved! If you think about that for a minute, you know the difference! I tolerate a lot of people. I also love a lot of people. But it's usually the people who I "tolerate" who need to experience God's love most! I've been praying for God to place huge love in my heart for those people. He HAS! In a big , almost scary way!! I truly believe through that love, and through caring for those people in a REAL way, God will use me to open their eyes to the ultimate love of Christ!

- Keep drawing nearer to Jesus.
A long time ago, when I was a Jr. High Small group leader, Todd Tolson took us to a camp where a guy named Jeremy Kingsley taught our kids about knowing God. He said (and I'll never forget) "When we learn about God, we start knowing God. And when we know God, we start loving God. And when we love God, we start loving and caring about the same things God loves and cares about." I think about this often, and I believe that this analogy works in a big spiral backwards when I'm not continually learning about who God is!

- I have a long way to go.
As God has given me this sudden rush of compassion for people, I'm understanding that I too am still in this same process. I can't look into someone's life and pinpoint their "closeness to God", because I don't even know where I am in that process! Isn't the whole thing relative?! My "passion for God" level is based on a meter of the ways I've experienced Him in the past and now. I'd be foolish to think that I know when I've reached my closest proximity to God. Because just like now, when I can feel Him SO near, I hear Him whisper "You have NO idea. Come closer."

Leavin' on a Jet Plane!

I sang this song to Cameron a few nights ago before he went to bed. Now he doesn't want to listen to or sing anything else!

Just not the same!

Transitions are hard!
In our experience, transitions have been good, and necessary.
Still hard.
Our transition from San Diego to Raleigh was tricky.
And I'm not blind to the fact our transition back to SD won't be just as difficult.
Because, just as we've transitioned our lives, so has everyone and everything else!

Not everyone literally moved their families across the country twice in one year.

But as a simple result of time...everyone has changed. Everything has changed.

Routines change.
Landscapes change.
Families change.
Circles of friends change.
Habits change.
Convictions change.
People change.

I'm reminding myself a lot lately, that things will be a lot different when we get back home. It's not going to be a "pick up where we left off" kind of deal. Our life, schedule and routine didn't stop when we left San Diego. It kept right on going without us! I think I'm doing a good job preparing myself for the changes in our culture (as we knew it) in San Diego, but I don't think that will stop me from trying to force certain aspects of my life back to the way they were.

As scared as I get about going back to a different San Diego, I'm encouraged by God's continued sovereignty, His unchanging love for me, and by His never ending attributes.

God is:
Always wise,
Always sovereign,
Always just,
Always good,
Always holy,
Always merciful,
Always gracious.


In this time of another big transition, I'm clinging to the truth that
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever". I'm so thankful that God continues to pursue and change ME! May that be my only desire! That the constant change in my life would be part of ONE process of God shaping me into becoming more like Christ.