Remembering to Reminisce

Steve and I spent the past 2 days in Palm Springs with some close friends for a little R&R. I found out that I have a hard time finding a balance between trying to maximize my rest while, at the same time, making the most of every minute I have without my demanding children around. Although I don't feel like I rested as much as I would have liked to, I was actually getting anxious to see my boys pretty quickly after we left them.

On our drive home today, I had a very discontent, uncomfortable feeling. I really couldn't figure out exactly what it was. I tried for the entire 2 hour drive to find reasons for my pensive, melancholy mood, but there was nothing I could excuse it for.

After we picked up Cameron, and then came home to Riley, we were all sitting together talking about our days away from each other, and then...it hit me. I suddenly knew why I felt the way I did on my way home.

I realized that while I was away for two entire days, I looked at my husband through different eyes. I just felt so incredibly thankful for him while we were in the desert. I felt like I was able to see him more as who he is as my "husband", instead of the role of "daddy" he plays to our boys. I have such high expectations of the father of my sons, and not only does he exceed them all, but he's still the AMAZING man, my heart throbbed for almost 7 years ago when we started dating. I know...gross, and incredibly mushy. But it's sooo true. I vividly remember the season of my life as an 18 year old girl in high school, trying to plan almost every day around when I would get to see him. Every day, I thought about how much I couldn't WAIT to have a family with this man. And NOW...that my "dream" has come true, I miss those days badly. The days where really nothing mattered as long as we were with each other.

I truly think this revelation today is a reminder from God that He gave me the man of my dreams. The one I prayed for. I used to replay slow-mo's in my mind of our special dates and times together before we were married. And although life is busy, and hard, and crazy now... I am sooo thankful that Steve is mine forever.

Want more mush? This post inspired me to read through the boxes of letters that I wrote Steve when we first started dating. He saved them all! I don't know how I graduated high school or kept a job while managing my relationship with Steve. Check this out.

Here's one stack of MANY letters:





Here's a decent one I could share:

(Click the picture to make it bigger)